I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
