fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
