The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
