The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
