Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
