i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
