Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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