"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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