The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
