So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
