Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it's like iHOP with fire
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I fill condoms, not promises.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
