Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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