i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You took a bar mat shot.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am available for nakedness
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
