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Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
