take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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