So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
