yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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