she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
