jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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