We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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