Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
