Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
