I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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