I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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