I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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