woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
