South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
