There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize