if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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