New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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