the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
