Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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