You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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