So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
