by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
