If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
