Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
