I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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