i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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