Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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