they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
