I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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