she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
