I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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