we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
