And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
