It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
