i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
