just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
