NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
