You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
