she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I touched a dick in church today
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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