evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
