Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
