Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did you just send me my own nude
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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