I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
