my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
