Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
