The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
