I just made out with a guy for $7.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
