ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
