now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
