have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
