I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
