If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
