forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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