and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
