Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
