: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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