Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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