All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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