Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
