I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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